Sex or Birth?

You're alone with your lover. The room is not too hot, not too cold. The lights are dim with a glow from the twinkle lights and a flicker from the candle. The warm scent of vanilla soothes your mind. Gentle, instrumental music flows easily in one ear and out the other. You move freely within your space with no regard to modesty, riding the rhythm of it, allowing yourself to fully open to it and receive it. Everything moves slowly and sensually despite the intense rush within you. As the experience comes to it's peak, it becomes so consuming that your mind goes completely inside of yourself, and anything happening elsewhere disappears. You yell out with reckless abandon allowing all to know the incredible surge running through you.  As you descend back into reality, the euphoria stays. Locking eyes with your lover you declare, "I did it." Your words exit your body in a breath of astonished relief. You cuddle, sigh and smile that effortless smile that can only come when love is left unhindered and free. Time stands still, and nothing could be more perfect.

I'm sure you've figured out by now, we're talking about sex and birth. While  sex is an act of receiving, and birth is an act of releasing, these two acts require the same hormone, oxytocin. Oxytocin is our love hormone, and thrives in the absence of adrenaline. Therefore, these acts require the same state of mind.

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Here's how to release adrenaline and invite in oxytocin

​Consider Your Birth Space

Take a moment right now. Close your eyes if that helps you connect with your mind's eye. See your birth space. If you haven't chosen one yet, chose the one that comes to mind first. Notice, are the lights bright or dim? Is there a lot of talking or other noise, or is it silent with maybe soft sounds happening? Does it smell sterile and abrupt or warm and inviting? What are you eating or drinking, if anything at all? Does it make you feel nourished or neglected?

You can do this exercise until you land on a space that feels good to you. Remember, oxytocin is the love hormone, and love is a feeling. That is why, during this exercise it's important to focus on how these things feel. Many times birthing people end up compromising even when something doesn't feel right. It's important that you listen to that feeling. Pay attention when things, people and events fill you with nourishment and support. These are the feelings you need to fill not only your birth space with, but your pregnancy and postpartum as well.

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Conducive
​or Intrusive

Have you ever been interrupted while doing something sexual? How did it feel? Maybe you felt embarrassed, or maybe not. Most likely it broke your focus at least a little, and if you were able to go back to what you were doing after the intrusion you likely had to reset the mood and get back into it. This exact same thing happens during birth. This is not to say that you should give birth alone or without support. You should, however, choose who will be there with a few things in mind:

• How do you feel about being yourself in front of this person?

When deciding on who will be at your birth, always remember that not only will your body be exposed, but also your soul. The last thing you need is someone in your birth space that is making you feel blocked emotionally.

• How does this person feel about your birth choices?

This doesn't mean that they had to of made the same birth choices for themselves. It means, they do not try to talk you out of your choices and only support you.

• Are they willing to put their own feelings about birth aside?

Weather you are choosing unassisted, a surgical birth or anything in between, the people you choose to be in your space need to be only those who are willing to be in it with you sincerely supporting all of your decisions along the way, no matter what.

• Do they understand their roll?

If there is someone at your birth, they should have something they are in charge of. Maybe that's manning the music, making sure your partner is eating, keeping your drink cold...whatever it is, it needs to be something. Many people respond by doing when they perceive their loved ones are struggling or are in pain. If they have something to focus on, it will help keep them productive without the constant, "do you need anything. How can I help?" coming at you while you're trying to stay focused.

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Get Turned On

What gets you in the mood for sex? Much of our main stream thinking around getting into the mood is stereotypical romance. Dinner, a movie, long walks on the beach, a good looking partner all dressed up, or not dressed at all. Blah, blah, blah. Sure, those things are great! Don't NOT do those things, but think about what REALLY turns you on. Maybe its an empty to-do list, clean floors, organized things, financial certainty, being creative, being active, singing. Nothing is off limits. It depends 100% on what does it for you. Many of us are not connected to our sexual selves in this way, and for many of us it means we are not enjoying sex the way we could be. Take this time during your pregnancy to experiment with what truly turns you on. Tune into your body and how it feels during the every day. Make tweaks here an there until you start to recognize what is truly turning you on.

Once you've figured it out, use it during pregnancy and birth! If dancing does it for you, dance. If taking a bath in the dark flips your switch, take a bath in the dark. What.Ever.It.Is! Do it! You get to do whatever you need to in order to be be prepared for and to get through your birth.

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Keep in mind, this applies to all types of birth. The more relaxed and full of oxytocin you are, the better your body is going to react to and heal from birth. It intensifies bonding, reduces psychological trauma, helps avoid or control hemorrhage, can reduce pain, encourage the birth of the placenta in a timely manner, encourages strong contractions (trust me, you want that), and dilation. 

Now, go get turned on.